Movie Review: 1313: Actor Slash Model (2011)

October 2, 2012

1313 Week is a week dedicated to reviewing David DeCoteau’s homoerotic franchise. Partly an experiment to see if I can survive an entire week of the films, I hope you enjoy this week.

Being jealous of others who steal the jobs which you’ve earned the right to is something that we’ve all experienced. Fortunately most of us have the common sense to not kill the undeserved, and for that we should give ourselves a pat on the back. Unfortunately there are people who don’t have the good sense that we do, and they’re the ones whom movie studios consult for ideas. And that brings us to 1313: Actor Slash Model

Written by Barbara Kymlicka and directed by David DeCoteau, Actor Slash Model follows Jerry (Chase Bennett), an aspiring actor who can’t land a gig. The problem is that Jerry looks like an average guy, and loses every role he auditions for to models. Eventually enough becomes enough and push comes to shove. Jerry snaps and wields his knife at a TV producer’s (Michelle Bauer) party, where a body count of body builders builds up fast.

Say that last sentence ten times fast.

I’m going to say something very controversial: I got a kick out of this movie. Actor Slash Model isn’t anything good by any measure, but it’s a revolution in the 1313 franchise for two reasons: Shirts and shorts. Yes, the male characters sometimes wear clothes, which should surprise you if you know anything about this franchise. I’ve been so conditioned to not expect anything more than underwear when watching these movies that its distracting.

Otherwise, the cast did well and couldn’t have been cast better. Actor Slash Model is next to nothing but a jealous maniac snob stabbing models who he feels stole his acting career. Chase Bennett plays a good jealous maniac snob, and the models are played by men who look like models. “Acting” isn’t really a requirement, and because of that, this is one of the most genuinely performed movies ever!

The dialogue is believable, and Jerry’s actions and motives are believable too. Again, we have the good sense to not go mental and murderous when frustrated, but not everybody does. I’m sure we’ve all at least grumbled something unpleasant when we didn’t get a call back for a job that we were excited for. Despite its flaws which I’m about to detail, this movie is maybe more realistic than Hercules Unbound!

Most of the problems in Actor Slash Model are cosmetic. As an example, despite the many knife stabbings, there is never a drip of blood on screen or stains on the knife. This isn’t a budget issue, I have filmmaking friends that can put together a gore show for cheap. Normally the rule is that a movie doesn’t need to be gory to be good, but that isn’t true here, where I get the impression that someone is allergic to corn syrup.

Another really irritating thing is how Jerry seems to teleport. This movie takes place in a mansion, and there are times I swear that Jerry is on the first and second floor at the same time. Honestly this was cut together very poorly. On top of that, throughout the entire movie there’s a voiceover of Jerry’s rants against models which we’ve already seen him make. Boo to the editing room.

But the biggest, worst, most unforgivable problem is that some generic HTC smartphone gets a cameo with no iPhones in sight. That’s sacrilege!

Being perfectly clear, Actor Slash Model isn’t good. When there are thousands upon thousands of movies you can waste your time on, it’s hard to justify this one. On the other hand, if you’re ever dared into watching a movie from the 1313 franchise, this is the one you should pick; Unless you happen to like the prospect of watching hot guys in their underwear for 70 minutes. In that case, this is the one to skip.

Actor Slash Model is available on Netflix USA as of this writing, so take this information as you will.

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